How to Apologise

The humble and dignified Australia way…

After making derogatory remarks about Canberra on a US talk show, actor Guy Pearce responded to the outrage (at least by Canberrans) by penning a letter to the Canberra Times: “I stupidly ran with a joke which I took too far for no other reason than to get laughs and I know I’ve offended many Canberrans and Australians in general. I feel horrible about myself for doing this and I’m truly very sorry. In the few times I’ve been I’ve really enjoyed it and found it to be extremely beautiful, so I’m so sorry for being such a dickhead.” Imploring Canberrans to accept his apology, he added, “I give you permission to abuse me in the street and tell me my films are crap.”

The petulant Tiger way…

After kicking an errant nine-iron and being branded by one US writer as “an embarrassment to his sport”, Tiger Woods grudgingly offered a semi-apology: “I’m sorry if I offended anybody by that. I’ve hit some bad shots and it’s certainly frustrating at times not to hit the ball where I’ve needed to hit it. I heard that people didn’t like me kicking the club. I didn’t like it. It didn’t feel good on my toe, either.”