Sound Bytes

TIGER WOODS

…in November 2009 at the winner’s press conference following the Australian Masters, when asked about a shot from 180 metres on the 16th that lipped out of the hole, “Was it as good for you as it was for us?”:

“Well,“ (pause for effect), “let’s just say that if the ball had gone in the hole I might have had to light up a smoke afterwards.”

BRUCE WILLIS

…one-time member of the Lutheran Church, in a 1988 interview in George magazine:

“Organised religions in general, in my opinion, are dying forms. They were all very important when we didn’t know why the sun moved, why weather changed, why hurricanes occurred, or volcanoes happened. Modern religion is the end trail of modern mythology. But there are people who interpret the Bible literally. Literally! I choose not to believe that’s the way. And that’s what makes America cool, you know?”

HUBERT H. HUMPHREY

…US Vice President from 1965 to 1969, in a line from one of his speeches – sometimes described as the “liberals’ mantra”:

“It was once said that the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped.”

GONZALO FERNÁNDEZ-CASTAÑO

…four-time European Tour champion, during a clinic for juniors in Madrid (reported in the March issue of the PGA España magazine):

“Once, playing in Japan, I went to the gym at seven in the morning and there were two people there – they were Tiger Woods and his caddie – and I thought, ‘If the world number one goes to the gym at six in the morning, what time do the rest of us have to go?’”

MIKE TYSON

…the youngest man to win the WBC, WBA and IBF world world heavyweight boxing titles (he won the WBC title at 20), speaking while being interviewed at the end of the documentary Tyson:

“What I did in the past is history; what I’ll do in the future is a mystery.”

RUPERT MURDOCH

…on 2 January 2011 at the launch of The Daily iPod publication:

“The magic of newspapers and blogs is the element of surprise and the deft touch of a good editor.”

SAMANTHA STOSUR

… 2011 US Open tennis champion on Australians’ sportsmanship:

“We grow up being taught that, whether you’re playing tennis or whatever other sport, be respectful and friendly and nice to people. In tennis nowadays, maybe that kind of gets lost. I think it’s important you go out there and play between the lines and play a good match. That’s the way I was always taught to play: go out there and have respect for every single opponent you play.”

SYLVYA PLATH

… celebrated US poet, novelist and short story writer:

“For me, poetry is an evasion of the real job of writing prose.”

STEVEN GENE WOLD “SEASICK STEVE”

… US blues musician:

“Hobos are people who move around looking for work, tramps are people who move around but don’t look for work, and bums are people who don’t move and don’t work. I’ve been all three.

YOGI BERRA

… former baseball star, of “It’s deja vu all over again” and “It ain’t over ’till it’s over” fame), asked if he wanted pizza cut into four or eight pieces:

“Better make it four. I don’t think I could eat eight.”