10 Grumps of the Day

1. “Give 110 per cent”… not an expert in physics (didn’t even particularly enjoy it at school), but surely giving 110 per cent would result in the body imploding into a black hole.

2. “Fashionably late”… There’s nothing fashionable about being late; it’s simply a discourtesy.

3. Nouveau cuisine described as “carpaccio” of this or “carpaccio” of that… It’s just foam and it resembles what the cat leaves on the floor when trying to get rid of hair balls. In short, it’s not pleasant. Or, as the Spaniards would say, it’s “una mariconada” (roughly translated as “a load of crap”).

4. Infantile and just plain silly post-goal celebratory antics by grown (and grossly overpaid) men in soccer matches.

5. Tele-callers obstinately reading from their script as you try in vain to explain you’re quite happy with your current telephone operator (then hang up).

6. “Back in five minutes”: Yeah, sure; if it’s going to be an hour and a half, say so – and don’t make people wait unnecessarily.

7. Tribute bands: just karaoke for “musicians” with an originality bypass.

8. Facebook “friends” who have convinced themselves the universe is waiting expectantly for an update on their latest bowel movements.

9. Empty ice cube containers left in the freezer.

10. White Anglo-Saxons doing the haka.

Not that life always warrants a hearty old grump… as evidenced by this Zen moment at Marbella’s Buddha Beach…