By NED BELLY

MOST OF US have no option of avoiding income taxes. The authorities will either nab us at source (IRPF/PAYE) or, if autónomo (self-employed), we will be required to present a rigorously-monitored folder of documents every three months to report revenue, justify expenses and hand over collected IVA.

We don’t have the luxury of tax havens or sharp tax lawyers and finance experts, so few of us would have much sympathy for the increasing number of high-profile celebrities caught fiddling the system, in Spain and Australia.

There is a limit, however, and Project Wickenby, Australia’s $300 million tax fraud investigation, went far too far in slapping a Departure Prohibition Order on veteran actor Paul “Crocodile Dundee” Hogan.

It might eventually be shown that Hogan, or his advisers, did bend the rules but everyone deserves a fair go, especially an iconic figure whose “I’ll slip an extra shrimp on the barbie for you” tourism campaign 25 years ago (he offered to do the ads for free) did so much for Australian tourism – and Australia’s tourist coffers.

As he is quoted in The Australian, “I’m not devastated – I don’t do devastation. But I am staggered by the grotesqueness of this.”

Hogan is now back in Los Angeles, arriving two days after the tax office lifted the ban – and, in characteristically comical form, leaving Australia wearing a false moustache.

The Australian Taxation Office had forced him to stay in Australia until he paid or reached agreement to settle a claim for an estimated $95 million, including penalties and interest. The ATO alleges that one of the ways he avoided tax was by using “residency schemes”: that is, officially being a resident neither in Australia nor in the US, where he had his temporary home when receiving the relevant payments. Hogan has always denied any wrong-doing and has not been charged.

SPAIN’S SHOWMAN extraordinaire, Javier Gurruchaga, is back on centre stage with a new La Orquesta Mondragón album.

El Maquinista de la General is a tribute to trains, cinema, Buster Keaton (The General) and Gurruchaga’s recently deceased railwayman father – in short a magical mystery tour of rock, R&B, blues and jazz… with a Mexican flavour.

The album comprises 17 tracks, performed by La Orquesta Mondragón in collaboration with various Mexican and Cuban artists.

It includes the single Por Que No Te Callas, the famous phrase (“Why don’t you just shut up”) blurted out by King Juan Carlos to Hugo Chavez at the 2007 Ibero-American summit in Chile when the Venezuela President kept interrupting Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez’s speech.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Fronted by flamboyant San Sebastian-born singer, actor and TV presenter Javier Gurruchaga, La Orquesta Mondragón emerged from a radio jam session in 1976 and went on to become one of Spain’s most respected, albeit eccentric, bands – pioneers in the fusion of music and theatre. El Maquinista de la General is their 15th album, including three compilations.

Click here to view the embedded video.

EXPERIENCED dog trainer Paul Kassell has opened a new school on the Coast del Sol, offering basic obedience, and dog and puppy socialisation classes. The classes are held in “safe and secure” surroundings” in Las Chapas, Elviria.

After working with dogs for over 25 years, Paul’s philosophy is uncomplicated: “When training your dog it is important to have the three Ps – Patience, Perseverance and Purpose.”

He stresses that it is important for dog owners to enjoy time spent training. “I will ensure that training sessions are fun, none threatening, and centred around the needs of you and your dog.

“I use a variety of techniques and methods as no two dog problems are the same. I am constantly researching and updating my methods, keeping up to date and sharing and exchanging ideas with other dog trainers, behaviourists, vets, manufacturers and nutritionists worldwide.”

♦ Paul the Pooch, in association with The Keys to Mijas Costa, will be presenting an end-of-summer barbecue party in aid of the Cudeca cancer charity and ACE (the canine and feline refuge in La Cala) on Saturday 25 September at the Déjà Vu restaurant in CC Elviria.

More information: Tel. 610 957 925 (Paul) or 617 919 794 (Catherine); paulthepooch@hotmail.com or christina@hotmail.co.uk

Paul the Pooch

Tel. 610 957 925

paulthepooch@hotmail.com

paulkassell@hotmail.com

paulthepooch.com

AFTER SETTLING into her luxurious accommodation at the Villa Padierna hotel, Michelle Obama and her entourage headed to Marbella for a walk around the Old Town and later dinner at a local restaurant on the first evening of a controversial  four-day visit to the Costa del Sol.

Earlier, they were welcomed by the owner of the hotel Ricardo Arranz and his wife Alicia Padierna de Villapadierna. Arranz later told Europa Press the only thing the US first lady had asked for was “normality”. She wanted to “enjoy the hotel, the surroundings and Marbella”. She had not asked for exclusivity. On the contrary, she wanted to enjoy her stay – accompanied by younger daughter Sasha and friends who had recommended the hotel – as discreetly as possible.

They arrived at Málaga airport around 10.30am on 4 August in a military aircraft (“Air Force Two“) – about 20 people in all – and drove off in a convoy of 15 vehicles, as police cordoned off the traffic as part of an intensive security operation. An hour later, they arrived at the hotel, in Benahavis municipality (between Marbella and Estepona).

Michelle Obama and Sasha stayed in one of the hotel’s villas – three storeys, private pool and butler service, reportedly costing €5,000 a night – with other companions and the security retinue taking over 60 rooms. She was reported to have specifically requested that the hotel, with a total of 160 rooms, not be closed to other guests during her visit.

The Obamas visited La Alhambra in Granada on their second day in Spain (Thursday); enjoyed a few hours at the hotel’s beach club the next day, with Sasha also spending the afternoon at the Selwo Aventura safari park in Estepona; and travelled up to Ronda on the Saturday.

On the Sunday the Obama circus travelled to Mallorca for a protocol visit and lunch with the Spanish head of state, King Juan Carlos (who traditionally spends his summer holidays with his family in the Marivent palace), before returning to Washington.

The previous night, Michele Obama had been invited to attend the inaugural Starlite Gala, held at the Villa Padierna and co-hosted by Antonio Banderas and Eva Longoria – both of whom supported Obama’s presidential campaign. But in the end she chose to dine with her coterie at the über-select Marbella restaurant La Meridiana.

Málaga-born Banderas (who later, on 10 August, celebrated his 50th birthday in Marbella) did allude to her stay in Spain when speaking to the press before the event, noting that the best gift the Costa del Sol could give Michelle Obama would be to “not harass” her. She should be left in peace, he said, warning that if she were continually surrounded by people “she won’t come back here”. Banderas, of course, has suffered a similar fate over the years when staying at his Marbella villa.

Meanwhile, the PR value of Michelle Obama’s stay on the Costa del Sol was estimated by a local marketing company at €800 million. However, less enthusiastic voices criticised the institutional fawning and “Welcome” banners springing up along the Coast. The El País newspaper ridiculed local authorities for showing a “puerile enthusiasm” for the visit; while other critics drew less than flattering comparisons with the classic 1953 Spanish comedy Bienvenido Mr Marshall, in which a small Spanish town prepared for the visit of American diplomats in the hope of benefitting under the post-war Marshall Plan. National parliamentarian Rosa Díez (Unión, Progreso y Democracia) said there was a certain element of “paletismo vergonzoso” (roughly translated as “embarrassing country bumkinism”) in the welcome – “inappropriate” for a modern country.

The Obamas with King Juan Carlos, Queen Sofía and Princess Letizia (Photo: Casa de Su Majestad el Rey).

So just what was the immediate international impact? The Australian of 5 August included one paragraph in its online version, not mentioning Marbella, Benahavis, the Costa del Sol or even southern Spain:

“The President received two happy birthday calls from first lady Michelle, who is in Spain with daughter Sasha, 9, and from his other daughter, Malia, 12, who is away at summer camp, his press secretary, Robert Gibbs, told reporters aboard Air Force One before Mr Obama arrived in Chicago.” (Obama turned 49 on 4 August.)

Back home in the US, meanwhile, there was harsh criticism – and not just from Fox News. The White House described the visit as a “private mother-daughter trip with long-time family friends”, but she was mocked by the New York Daily News as, “Material girl Michelle Obama… a modern-day Marie Antoinette on a glitzy Spanish vacation”.

Even the New York Times observed, “Michelle Obama hoped to enjoy a quiet summer break in southern Spain with her younger daughter and a few friends. But the Andalucian getaway has gotten away from her as the European media document her every flamenco dance step and critics back home question the wisdom of such a lavish vacation, which involves at least some taxpayer money, in a time of austerity.

“Privately, officials note that the first lady is paying for her own room, food and transportation, and the friends she brought will pay for theirs as well. The government pays for security, and the Secret Service, not the first lady, determines what is needed.

“Officials said some reports of the trip had been exaggerated. Mrs Obama is not travelling with 40 friends, one official said, but with two friends and four of their daughters, as well as a couple of aides and a couple of advance staff members. The staff is with her because she will pay a courtesy call on King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofía.

“The Air Force jet she flew costs $11,351 per hour to operate, according to several reports, meaning a 14-hour round trip would cost nearly $160,000. The first lady would reimburse only the equivalent of first-class commercial tickets for herself and her daughter Sasha, the rest of the seats being occupied mainly by Secret Service. Officials said their friends flew on separate commercial flights.”

The newspaper did conclude, however, “While some Americans frown, the Spanish eagerly welcomed the Obama group, seeing it as a boost for a tourism sector severely hit by the country’s economic downturn.”

Marbella Town Hall set up a special press office at the Palacio de Ferias y Congresses for journalists and photographers covering the Obama visit and the Starlite Gala – where they were welcomed by the mayoress Ángeles Muñoz.

WHEN RAMÓN MORADA moved to the Costa del Sol in 1973 Japanese cuisine was not so much on the back burner – it had barely set foot in the kitchen.

The Cuban owner of Misono in Madrid asked Ramón, who had previously been working at the Hyatt Regency in Manila, to open a sister restaurant in Fuengirola. It was the first in the area to offer teppanyaki to diners and soon became an institution on the Coast, with such celebrated clients as Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas (and his parents), Lew Hoad and Ronnie Knight, who ran a nightclub in Los Boliches at the time. It was also a favourite eatery for numerous Spanish celebrities including Rocio Jurado and Rocio Ducal.

Ramón remained at Misono, which translates as “grill” in Japanese, until 1996, before being head-hunted to run several other top establishments including a Japanese grill in Puerto Banús, Japanese restaurants in Torreblanca and Torremolinos, and his own Misono Oriental (Japanese, Chinese and Indonesian) in Fuengirola.

He also took the opportunity of moving to a friend’s new restaurant in Barcelona, the Gran Muralla, to refine his Chinese cooking skills.

Then, in 2008, his daughter Asunción decided to open a restaurant in Los Boliches and he joined forces with her to launch Makati.

Not surprisingly, it quickly became the place in town to enjoy exquisite teppanyaki cooking, as well as an expansive menu of other Japanese delicacies… maki and nigiri sushi, sashimi, tempura, sukiyaki and teriyaki. Many came to the new restaurant as long-time fans of Ramón’s cooking (there have been just three teppanyaki restaurants in Fuengirola and he started all three); but many others followed as word spread – not only foreigners familiar with the cuisine but a growing Spanish clientele.

“People like teppanyaki because they like to see the food cooked in front of them,” says Ramón. “The kitchen on your dining table.”

He notes that, as people’s tastes become more refined and eclectic, there is not so much competition with Chinese restaurants these days, but rather with other Japanese or “fusion” establishments (Chinese mixed with Thai or Japanese).

The main difference between the various oriental cuisines, notes Ramón, is that in Chinese and Thai the ingredients are mixed with the sauce in a wok; whereas Japanese is deep-friend, with the sauce separate. “The taste of the food is in the sauce.”

Another key difference is that in Chinese cuisine rice is cooked in vinegar; while mirin, a kind of rice wine similar to sake, is used in Japanese cooking. “The secret with sushi is always in the rice,” says Ramón.

Makati is located behind the Stella Maris hotel just off the paseo marítimo near the river that borders Fuengirola and Los Boliches. It is open every day (12.30-4.30pm; 7pm-midnight); and a home delivery service is available (except Friday and Saturday evenings).

ORGANISED AROUND the theme “The Power of Optimism”, the eighth European Meeting and Friendship Days of the Soroptimist International Organisation will be held in Mijas from 15 to 17 October at the Hotel Mijas.

The theme will be reflected in the presentations by leading speakers in politics, neuroscience and sociology. It was chosen, according to the organisers, “in order to infuse the participants with good vibrations and renewed energy (as) there is already too much focus on the negative in the world, which can hinder the motivation to try and make the world a better place.”

Around 200 women from all over Europe, together with visitors from Africa, are expected to attend the event. It is being organised by Spanish Soroptimist clubs from the Costa del Sol, Madrid, Marina Baixa, Sitges and Valle D’Aran.

Local authorities from Mijas will inaugurate the conference, which includes a reception at the town hall and specially arranged visits to the town and surrounding area.

The president of the European Federation of Soroptimists, Eliane Lagasse, from the Geneva-based headquarters, will be present as well as international president Hanne Jensbo. Together they represent over 90,000 Soroptimist members worldwide.

Spain was chosen as the venue for this event in order to promote the Soroptimist organisation in this country and to encourage more women to join and more clubs to be created. Simultaneous interpretation will be offered in three languages.

More information from coordinator Daphne Theunissen: amistad.soroptimist@gmail.com; si-es.org

SO YOU’VE set up camp on the beach, the steaks are nicely caramelised on the barbie, the first few beers have gone down nicely and now you would like a glass of wine.

Who forgot the corkscrew!

No problem… as long as someone has a shoe and there’s a vertical wall (or similar structure) nearby.

http://www.wimp.com/wineshoe

(Photo: Sexologia.net)

SOME FANTASISE about a ménage à trois… others a sexual encounter with a stranger. For Spaniards, however it seems the favoured dream during summer holidays is to have sex in the water.

This was one of the results of a “National Sexual Tendencies” survey by Sexologia.net, which also found that 75 per cent of the 2,000 respondents experienced increased libido during the warmer months – over half of them attributing this to the preponderance of sun-tanned bodies.

For 40 per cent, their sexual appetite is enhanced “every hour of the day”; 28 per cent, “in the evening”; 12 per cent, “on waking up” (presumably mostly men!); nine per cent, “in the afternoon”; five per cent, “during siesta”; four per cent, “madrugada” (early hours of the morning); and two per cent, “midday”.

STUNNING Spanish model and mother-of-two Elen Rivas was asked to model Tesco’s spring-summer collection of lingerie, “Diamond Boutique” after fronting the autumn-winter collection last year. Not much doubt why!

As Elen says, “Like every woman should, I adore beautiful lingerie. Knowing you have something really beautiful on under your clothes can give you so much confidence. I’ve always been into fashion and I always feel more put together when I know I have an elegant matching set on.

“I think the high street is incredible and Diamond Boutique is testament to this. The underwear is elegant, luxurious and a main feature in my lingerie drawer. Me and my girlfriends love that a set can cost only £25 and you can buy it from Tesco stores.

“The new Diamond Boutique Collection is stunning; it showcases lots of the season’s hottest trends, such as exotic animal prints, ice-cream shades and flirty florals.”

Diamond Boutique comes in sizes 32A to 38D for bras and 8-18 for briefs – available from Tesco stores nationwide and online at clothingattesco.com.

A SPECIAL FESTIVAL featuring ska and reggae music will be held on the outskirts of Coin to mark the pending end of summer with a “musical big band bang”.

Headlined by the Costa del Sol’s Looney Toonz and supported by Absalut Pantz from Orgiva and Polish group Skadictator, plus others, the one-day festival will begin at 2pm on Saturday 28 August with stalls, bouncy castle, artisan stalls and food, and music kicking off around 5pm until 2am.

It is being organised by a local group of music lovers in conjunction with local radio station Heartfm Spain and will be held in the function room at Venta Los Arcos on the Coin to Cartama A355 road. The objective is to promote ska and reggae music in a bid to lure south London-based ska band The Dualers to southern Spain next year.

Flavours of Jamaica will be providing traditional food while Los Arcos will be hosting their barbecue platters. Tickets are €5 in advance or €7.50 on the door (children under 12 free) and proceeds will go to the Have a Heart charity, which works with needy people within the Heartfm 95.7 broadcast area.

Tickets are available from: Pogs Irish Bar, Funky Cutz Hair Salon, Heartfm studios (Alhaurin el Grande) and Los Arcos. More information: heartsandska@hotmail.com (or contact heartfm Spain).